on Power and Control

There have been a series of situations over the past few weeks that have led me to realize what people think ‘Power’ is, and how much this perception hurts others. It is sad to see some one or some people so focused on controlling others that they lose interest in anything other than maintaining their grip on power – even if it makes them sacrifice their commitments to those people.

In a large case, this is someone who wants everyone to look up to him, so much so that they will either not stand up to others in fear of others thinking poorly of them, and also those who are so interested in power that they use corruption and exploitation as their weapons, ultimately attempting to destroy the very thing they promised to protect. In the smaller scale, this is someone who is more interested in being right than working as a cohesive team, more interested in proving you wrong than working together to come to a conclusion, and more interested in using a title they are given than to be responsible to the role that the title is there for.

To document each of these cases that I have seen would not be beneficial or do anything but attempting to assert control over the situations, but what can be said is that each of these situations have led me to a point that I needed to hear truth – and where there is a desire for truth, God is there.

God, through providence, the Holy Spirit, and several other people, have led me to something spoken very simply that is much more difficult to put into practice in ones life:

One thing Jesus makes quite clear again and again through scripture is that we are called to serve one another. This requires a choice, daily, to lay down that which we would rather pursue, to instead seek the good of others first. So you have the freedom to do something. Are you able to let that freedom go to help someone else to get closer to God?

The operating biblical metaphor regarding worship is sacrifice- we bring ourselves to the altar and let God do with us what he will.

– The Jesus Way, Eugene Peterson

makes me think. Am I sacrificing?

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

– Phillipians 2:3-8

Iphone post

Updating from the iphone. I’m a geek

on Being the New Guy (and Girl – not me…my wife)

My wife and I have been attending a church here in Orlando for the last few months.  Each Sunday, we go to the same service, and sit in the same general area (towards the middle of one of the front sections of the sanctuary).  For weeks, each time we would leave the service, we would note that not a single person approached us to hold a conversation.  Each service, we would show up 5-10 minutes early, and leave with the crowd, but not a single person would talk to us, except for the occasional “Excuse Me” if we happened to be in their way.  In many respects, we felt like spectators at a sports event.

Now, don’t get me wrong, this is exactly the way that I would prefer.  To a fault, I am not really a “people person”, and would not seek others on my own volition.  My wife, however does not seem to share this feeling, and thrives off of relationship with others.  As a result of this, our first few months of attendance left us in a very interesting dilemma.  We both needed friendships, as we were the only ones we knew in Orlando, and no one was approching.

Do we engage others, even if they don’t engage us?

My struggle continues, but it is a joy to see how the church should be – an inviting place where all are accepted.

on difficulties

Many years ago, as I began to enter the workforce, I began to realize something.  This realization led me to a deeper understanding that may perhaps take the remainder of my life to study and grow into.

During this same time, I was attending a boy scout troop that I eventually, through the help and support of the parents and other boys, was able to reach the rank of Eagle Scout (the Highest Rank given to a Boy Scout).  This troop had many boys of different intentions.  It seemed to me that many of the boys, including myself, were drawn there by their parents, who had either achieved the rank of Eagle Scout, or wanted a useful activity for their boy.  Some of the boys had no desire to be there, and others were being pushed or drawn to achieve, whatever achievement meant to them.

In hindsight, for some reason or another, I chose to look up to some of the older guys that were really excited about how close they were to Eagle Scout.  These guys seemed to have an eye only for achievement, save one extremely important character trait that would take me years to come to appreciate, and something that I am still doing my best to understand.  As these guys were training themselves for the achievement, they were pulling younger boys like me with them, and helping me in the areas that they had experience with, and I had little or none.

Contemporary Christianity has used this idea, along with related scripture to promote the idea of people more seasoned in their faith reaching out to the younger believers, and helping them in their walks with Christ.  I find, and have found, this process to be a tremendously useful tool.  Thanks to the many people that have helped me through the difficult times in my life, I have been able to become the man I am today…still broken, confused, and through my own actions – a liar, a cheat, and an altogether disgusting man; but these things pale in comparison to the man that I am because of Christ, and through the wisdom that others chose to pass on to me.  Thanks only to Christ, I am saved by His Grace, by His Mercy, by His Choice, and by His Death as a consequense of MY sin.  This knowledge helps me see with different eyes.  These different eyes are that which I will speak of now.

One of the most challenging things for me as I was exploring leadership in Boy Scouts was dealing with the others, that for whatever reason, wouuld choose to undermine the same authority that at one point they chose to accept, and the same authority that they had a voice in deciding.  Because of this, they chose to destroy the teams ability to succeed in order to prove that they were “better”, or that they did not agree.

As I entered a career, I began to realize that this observation was not unique to boys or teenagers, or for that matter, even the male gender.  This was something shared by the entirety of humanity, and each of us has the capacity to accept or reject authority in our own lives. In many ways, I have seen this at the various places that I have worked and spent time.  Some of these are subtle and may simply be someone entertaining the thought of rejecting the authority for too long, and some has been designed for a complete breakdown of any hints of authority and teamwork that otherwise would have been possible.

The latter of the two examples, as by far the most damaging, destroys the ability to work as a team, and also requires that the leader, and those that are attempting to be a part of that team, work hard at developing the team, instead of working on whatever it is that their strength might be.  It is seemingly an issue of structural integrity.  If one area is weaker than the others, they whole structure will fall.  If all parts of the team are not designed to work together, and one part is working against the others, it takes more effort to support the structure.  Eventually, the structure will fail, unless something changes.

Much of the world hve been focused on the word “CHANGE” for a time now.  It is interesting to see that people are recognizing that change is required.  I am not so sure that they understand what change is needed.  As the United States have become more and more individualistic, we have lessened, and even destroyed our ability to work together.  People that are sick, hungry and in need have become like lepers to us, and we have continued to feed the idea that “we” are somehow different from “them,” which is the furthest thing from the truth.

In the first book of the Bible, a serpent coaxes the first humans to “CHANGE” their ideas, and change their authority.  This “Change” has instilled in each of us a terrible plague, that from that day, has led us nowhere but to our death.  Everything that we do (on our own) is corrupted, and is bound to flaw.  Our ability to work together has been changed, and to relate to others is more and more difficult, because we are corrupt.  The first “CHANGE” was to lead us to SIN.

The “Change” that we need is not a political change of ideology, and it certainly is not a change in the amount of taxes that we pay so the government can do more, but instead, a change that is deep in the heart of every individual.  This change, this monumental shift required is nothing less than salvation from ourselves.  It is a salvation from the first time that our ancestors chose, and each time we choose to go against the perfect authority that we were given from day one.

By God’s grace, and through His support, my goal is to support my co-workers as best I can.  My goal is to build the team, and not take credit for anything individually, but instead recognize that I am part of a team whose goals are the same – to provide value to our company, to support each other, and to SERVE.

If we, as workers, and as Christians, choose to cherish our ideals without recognizing that our hands and feet were to be used, then we have failed.

“For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead” – James 2:26

where hope lies

There are days at work when I feel like the entirety of my body wants to yell out, frustrated at the things that I see that I think are wrong, silly, and unjust.  This last week was one of those times.  Even the slightest whisper of anything seemed to set the entire department off into a downward spiral that strained the very core of us – especially our relationships to each other.  Through this time, there was an intense amount of meetings devoted toward putting out the fire that seemed to be roaring at every angle possible.  Arguably, these meetings were of value in that a greater understanding was sought, and corrective action was put in place.

I liken the corrective action to a controlled fire.  It is not very pleasant, but necessary to keep a greater fire from spreading.

“Therefore remember that at one time you Gentiles in the flesh, called the uncircumcision by what is called the circumcision, which is made in the flesh by hands — remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world.  But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.  For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility.”  – Ephesians 2:11-16

I remember, albeit less and less vividly as the days go by, the days when I was living outside the Grace of God through Jesus Christ.  In these days, I truly had no hope, as my hope laid solely in my ability to honor myself…which my conscience was finding more and more difficult as I ran further and further from my creator.  Hate, envy, and greed ran my life to the point where any thought of other things would elicit such distaste in my mouth that I couldn’t help but vomit the only things that I knew – words of hate, lies, and evil.

That all changed when I chose to stop running away from Christ – Him who was running after me.  What entered my mind and my heart at that moment was something that I had little understanding of, but has become more and more valuable to me as days go by – peace.  Hostility has become less, and peace become more, as I do my best to understand the Word of God – whom is Jesus Christ.

Perhaps this is a long winded reprisal of my thoughts as I analyze the week that perhaps was as rugged and unstable as the stock market, at least in terms of relationships amongst my co-workers, or perhaps it is a recognition that at the end of the day, my hope, my trust, and my peace are found not in my career, but in my peace-filled Savior.  This, in itself is enough reason to share my faith with those around me…but there is even something greater – the eternal peace of those who accepted the grace of him whose blood paid for the sins and the hostility of those of us completely undeserving of His love and His grace.

on Movies and Theology

Irene and I just finished watching a very interesting movie.  “Expelled“.  In a nutshell, the movie introduces the idea that in scientific circles, the idea of intelligent design is not allowed to be discussed.  The image of the Berlin wall of the cold war was used to represent the idea that a “free” scientific community is one that is allowed the freedom to explore scientifically every possible option, including intelligent design, without fears of losing their credibility, their positions, and their image of sanity.

What is particularly unique to me is that a major thought in the film that was brought forward in the later half was that prominent scientists had no idea how evolution started, but were completely unwilling to accept that it had anything to do with intelligent design – without instilling some amount of darwinism into the mix. 

For instance, Richard Dawkins, writer of “The God Delusion” and other anti-religion / anti-intelligent design books, speculated that the first molecule with the ability to reproduce may have been seeded on (as in delivered to) earth by a more advanced society somewhere in space.  In addition, this “intellgent design” by way of seeding must have conformed to Darwinist/Evolutionary means – the more advanced aliens must have been created at some point and developed by way of natural selection into the advanced species that seeded the earth with life.  Incidentially, this theory, or hope, represents an impossible circle of impossibility – an intelligent designer, whom was evolved over time instilled life on earth – but who (or what) created the “intelligent designer”? 

I find myself curious about this, as “evolution” was one of my interests for a time – not because of my belief in it, but instead because of my disbelief in it.  I find it impossible to believe that anyone that holds the belief in Evolution, or Darwinism, would maintain values like freedom, hope, and anything other than selfishness, as they attempt to play God in their own lives – while they have time in existence.  If God does not exist, and we are an accident, why should I be nice to you?

The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.  (John bore witness about him, and cried out, “This was he of whom I said, ‘He who comes after me ranks before me, because he was before me.’”) And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God; the only God, who is at the Father’s side, he has made him known.

In the first chapter of the Gospel according to John, Christ is referenced as the Word.  In the beginning was the Word. 

All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made.

Science certainly is not the enemy of faith.  As I took science classes, and researched on my own (on secular and faith-based publications), I found myself, and continue to find myself fascinated at the world that God created.  After this particular film, I recognized the effort that “scolars” like Richard Dawkins, whom are “wise in their own eyes”, puts forward in attempts to prove that God doesn’t exist.  My curiosity is that Dawkins himself seems willing to believe that an intelligent being instilled life on earth, but unwilling to believe that this God deserves anything.  In essense, he is willing to believe that a superior being exists, but unwililng to recognize any superior power than himself.

I wonder….what areas in my life am I unwilling to accept God’s predominance?

a poem: What to Write

what to write

at this moment, at this day

I can not capture my thoughts

to lament, or to pray

what to write

when the world is caught in worry

as I find peace in Christ

it does not seem so blurry

what to write

to calm the storm of life

the plans ahead out of control

I’m so blessed to have my wife

what to write

only that which fills my soul

through my constant running away

it’s His grace that makes me whole.

a morning coffee

I woke up this morning to my wife leaving the house, on her way to work.  This, in and of itself, is not a rare occasion.  What was rare was that I received a phone call about 15 minutes later.  Then again in another 10.  And finally one more.  Needless to say, this got me out of bed about 20 minutes earlier than I usually do, so I thought I would take advantage of that fact.  Instead of watching TV or being lazy around the house, I decided to visit her.  When I arrived, she was happy to see me, and so happy, in fact, that she gave me her coffee.  For those that know my wife, coffee is like gold.

The entire paragraph above was written solely for the purpose of saying that I was up early, and had a cup of coffee.  That is all.

I want to write more in the near future, so we will see if that happens.

on Theology and differences

A few days ago, I received an email. This email got me thinking.

One of the things that took me the longest to learn (and I am certainly not at a point where I am not still learning) is what it means to have someone have authority over me…specifically relating to church and ideas on how to lead. For some reason or another, I have, and to some extent still continue to, think that my ideas apply better than the ideas of others to situations that I face in leadership. I also find this true for life in general.  Slowly, as time, and understanding has crept in, I have begun to understand that people see differently than me, and in some cases, people see a more comprehensive picture of what is truly going on than I.

Enter the Bible:

“Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.

Pray for us, for we are sure that we have a clear conscience, desiring to act honorably in all things. I urge you the more earnestly to do this in order that I may be restored to you the sooner.”  -Hebrews 13:17-19

I have found, not surprisingly, that when I disagree with my church leaders, it is more difficult for me to obey and submit to my leaders than when I agree with their decisions.  Sometimes, my feelings make their way to my tongue, and I say things that I later regret…mostly out of pride.  I want my decisions to be right; I want people to look at ME for truth; I want to BE the authority, not be subject to it.  My pride leads me down a path of destruction, and if I don’t have people in my life that help me see my own pride, I am sunk.

Many of the church leaders that I have “not agreed with” have been those people to help me see my pride, and have helped me grow.  I believe that this has only been possible by an openness to hear and understand them and their decisions, and the help from the Holy Spirit to set my pride aside, to leave my arrogance at the door, and to listen.

As I recognized myself in the email, I was reminded of the work that my leaders do, the decisions that they have to make, the many people that help them, and I am thankful for them.  I am thankful for when we agree, and I am more thankful for when we don’t.  I pray that God continues to allow challenges in His church; so that we may grow, and never lose sight of why the church exists:  to Go…

The theologies of choice…amongst a wedding plan

I trust the title caught your eye.

I am neck deep in assisting my beautiful fiance in planning our wedding. We are currently about 8 weeks out from our June 29th wedding date, and many of the expensive decisions are needing to be made in the next week or so. The necessity of decisions has caused much stress for both Irene and I, and we are certainly using this experience to learn more of each other. I woke up this morning to a quote (my way of a blog that I subscribe to), which seemingly meant a lot to me:

“To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.” -Gustave Flaubert

The point of stupidity caught my attention, because that is exactly what I have been a stellar example of.  The wedding planning has allowed me an opportunity to see me as I truly am.  Selfishness and stupidity have pretty much defined me, and I often see my own sin and selfishness.  I understand why Jacobus Arminius did not disagree with the idea of Total Depravity.  It seems that even in my best attempts, I myself am fighting an uphill battle with sin.  As an unfortunate consequence of me being a jerk, my fiance got to enjoy the fact that I was being a jerk.  Perhaps this post will serve as an apology and an explanation.

Thank God for Jesus.  It turns out that He has defeated sin…and if we rely on Him, and cast our burdens on Him, He will give us rest.  I am thankful that God Reigns, and I do not.